1. Your Boss is Not Your Mother



THE BOOK: Your Boss Is Not Your Mother: Eight Steps to Eliminating Office Drama and Creating Positive Relationships at Work


THE AUTHOR: Debra Mandel, Ph.D.

THE EDITOR: Doug Seibold


SUMMARY: Many people experience unhappiness on the job because they continually get sucked into needless workplace drama-with co-workers, bosses, subordinates, and clients. Unknowingly, they are often playing out problems they had with their parents, siblings, or other important figures from their childhood, and they don’t have the tools to escape these traps.

In the book, Your Boss Is Not Your Mother, Dr. Debra helps readers:

* Transcend power struggles

* Distinguish abusive bosses or co-workers (hence, intolerable) from those who might be annoying and irritating but with whom you can learn to relate in a more constructive manner

* Develop a sense of humor about inevitable workplace stress.

You will learn that no matter how challenging your childhood might have been, you don’t need to carry forward any negative behavioral patterns from your past. Rather, you can learn to relate to some of the most difficult people without getting all stirred up inside!

THE BACK STORYDebra Mandel: I endured a rather challenging childhood within my family of origin. That’s not to say that my parents didn’t love me and give me the best chance at a good life, but they both had very traumatic histories and lacked the tools or resources to overcome the tragedies they experienced. Having been and still am a very sensitive person, I didn’t cope so well with their parenting styles. On a positive note, my intrigue and passion for studying psychology and my desire to help others improve their lives probably grew out, in part, from the dysfunctionality within my family system and the painful emotional process of growing up. Hence, helping people learn to turn adversity into strength became my primary mission.

My mother passed away suddenly when I was in my early thirties. Having never gotten the chance to repair my severed relationship with her, I was devastated. While psychotherapy was helpful in many ways, I needed a deeper more personal journey of healing. Her death inspired me to write my first book, Healing the Sensitive Heart, a non-fiction compilation of many of my clients’ struggles with letting go of childhood wounds and creating positive intimate and social relationships. Writing Your Boss Is Not Your Mother was a natural “sequel” so-to-speak to help people learn how to become magnets for positive relationships in the workplace and no longer re-create the pain from their past.

Why did you decide to write it? How did you research it? How long did it take to write? That sort of thing.

As mentioned above, personal experiences and the work with my clients inspired me to write the book.

WHY THIS TITLE?: As is true for many self-help writers, the title of the book often comes about after writing it. Since the contents are aimed at helping readers break-free from negative transference patterns (i.e., the tendency to project feelings generated from our relationships with our primary caregivers onto people in our adult lives), it just seemed fitting to boldly state that “your boss is not your mother”– unless of course, she is. While the title names “mothers” as the primary transference agent, it could have easily been stated as “your boss in not your father” or your sibling, et cetera. The title was created to catch people’s attention and make the point that for healthy relationships to occur adulthood, we need to heal and let go of old emotional baggage stemming from childhood.

WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO READ IT? Your Boss Is Not Your Mother stands out among other books concerning workplace relationships in that it is highly solution-based as opposed to just identifying and dwelling on the problem. It also couples a compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach, with humor to provide an easy-to-read and applicable prescription on how to eliminate drama at work..

It is unique in that it takes some rather complex psychological constructs and makes them user-friendly. There are many exercises, suggestions, and examples to help the reader get a hands-on appreciation for what he/she has control over and how he/she can make life better without fixating on wanting the difficult boss or co-worker to have to change. The book is meant to empower and enable the reader to recognize and change expectations to ultimately diminish disappointment in others

REVIEW COMMENTS: Praise for the author and the book:

“Anyone who finds past wounds getting in the way of present career success will want to read this book. Dr. Mandel realistically describes counterproductive workplace scenarios that result from childhood bruising –and more importantly, tells you how o heal them so that you can reach your full adult potential.” – Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D., author of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office

“A real eye-opener fro women who are stressed out by unhealthy relationships at work. Dr. Debra Mandel shines a clear light on how to identify and break free from re-enacting childhood problems in the workplace. A compassionate and very readable book. I highly recommend it.” — Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, Toxic Parents, and Emotional Blackmail

“This book has so many important points to make regarding difficult and often stressful relationships at work. Not only does Dr. Mandel help you understand and identify these issues but gives extremely practical information on how to handle and resolve these problem relationships. She has addressed a common yet often unexplored workplace experience of power struggles that we end up taking home with us after work. Her book helps us understand ourselves with more empathy and handle others with respectful boundary setting and humor. This is a book anyone in the workplace should own if they are experiencing a conflict with a coworker or boss!” — Michael Bertolucci, Ph.D.

AUTHOR PROFILE:  Hello, I’m “Dr. Debra” Mandel, aka “The Love Warrior,” an internationally renowned psychologist, author, and TV/Radio personality with twenty-plus years experience. Combining wit, wisdom and compassion, I’ve helped millions of people overcome their woes and learn to thrive!

If you haven’t yet met me in-person, you may have seen me on many of the top-rated national TV shows (e.g., The Tyra Banks Show, The Today Show, The Early Show), or heard me on over 400 radio programs on a variety of topics, especially those centered on love and intimacy.

I’ve authored three other books including the widely publicized Dump That Chump (Harper Collins, 2007), Don’t Call Me a Drama Queen (Alyson, 2008), and Healing the Sensitive Heart (Adams Media, 2003).

I currently co-host a radio program, Talk It Out (on http://www.latalkradio.com) and have been regularly quoted in articles for many national magazines such as Glamour, Fitnes s, Cosmopolitan.

I earned my doctorate from the California School of Professional Psychology and was licensed to practice in 1989. I’m a member of the American Psychological Association and the Los Angeles County Psychological Association. I have extensive experience working with individuals, couples, and families with a range of specialties from relationship and daily life issues to depression, anxiety, eating disorders and addiction.

When I’m not out helping people transform adversity into strength, I love spending time with my family and friends and my two favorite furry felines, Bobby and Prowler!

For more information about Dr. Debra’s products and services, please visit her on the web at: http://www.drdebraonline.com.

AUTHOR COMMENTS: “Most of us spend a good deal of our time working! Thus, it would be a tragedy to go through life not enjoying the workplace. This book is one avenue of many to help you create a positive workplace environment so you can thrive!”


WHERE TO BUY IT: Amazon, Barnes & noble, and my website

PRICE: Kindle Edition $9.99 (on Amazon), From http://www.drdebraonline.com downloadable PDF: 4.99, paperback 12.00 + tax

CONTACT THE AUTHOR: Email: dmdoc@earthlink.net Website: http://www.drdebraonline.com

https://www.facebook.com/DrDebraM https://www.twitter.com/DrDebraMandel

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Recently retired after 35 years with the News & Advance newspaper in Lynchburg, VA, now re-inventing myself as a novelist/nonfiction writer and writing coach in Lake George, NY.

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